As mentioned in previous articles, emotions are reactions to our assessment of how fully our needs are satisfied. Let’s imagine you are about to start a new job and meet your new colleagues. This can make you anxious, and it is a normal reaction in such situations. Humans are social animals. For humans and our primate ancestors, living in groups has been a way of survival for millions of years. That is why the need to be accepted by others is so strong in humans—it is a biological need. This is why we care about what others might think of us, whether they like us or not. So, when we are about to meet a new social group, we don’t know whether they will accept us or not. There is a risk that our social need will go unsatisfied. That is why we feel anxious in such situations, and it is a natural reaction. However, the degree of anxiety can differ from person to person—some are more anxious than others. This difference can be explained by how we assess the risk of being rejected.
One of the most important functions of our brain is to predict possible events in the future. One of the main stressors is uncertainty—when we do not know what to expect. It is the uncertainty that triggers anxiety. Anxiety is future-oriented. Its purpose is to activate the process of predicting all possible outcomes and planning future actions. The duration and intensity of anxiety depend on what possible outcomes we predict.
Returning to our example, you are about to meet your new colleagues. You don’t know how it will go. This uncertainty triggers anxiety, which urges you to think of all possible outcomes and plan future actions. Let’s say you identify the following possible future scenarios:
1. They are hostile. They will reject me.
2. They will not reject me, but I am so awkward that they will make fun of me.
3. They will not reject me, but if I make a mistake, they will detest me.
4. Some of them might be hostile, but others might be friendly and well-wishing.
5. I am coming to work, not to their home, so it doesn’t matter whether they like me or not.
6. They might be hostile at first, but soon we will become friends.
7. They are all good people, friendly and supportive.
8. I will contribute to the teamwork and become a valuable and respected member.
Remember that the purpose of anxiety is to predict possible outcomes. After identifying various possible scenarios, your brain will realize that outcomes can be both negative and positive, and that it is impossible to know exactly what will happen. It will decide that further attempts to predict the future are futile, and anxiety will decrease.
There are two key moments here. The first is that several possible outcomes were considered. When we think of several outcomes, the probability of each individual outcome becomes lower. For example, if you identified one positive and one negative outcome, then the probability of each of them is 50%. The 50% chance that you will be rejected by the group is high, and such an estimation will trigger fear. But if you identified four negative and four positive possible outcomes, then the probability of each outcome is 12.5%. If the probability of the worst possible outcome is only 12.5%, the fear will be four times lower than if there were a 50% chance. Another key point is that the possibility of both negative and positive outcomes was considered. When we predict future outcomes, we do not calculate probabilities precisely, but rather intuitively estimate that some outcomes are more probable, others less, and some are equally probable. But when we consider both negative and positive outcomes, we realize that it can go either way, and anxiety also decreases.
However, people with anxiety disorders tend to predict fewer and only negative outcomes. In the example above, they might predict only the first two or three scenarios. It is this negative prediction that maintains and intensifies anxiety. Why does this happen? Usually, it is negative memories from the past (for example, abuse during childhood or bullying at school) that incline us to predict mainly negative events. Anxiety may be so intense that people start avoiding situations associated with it. In our example, the fear of social rejection may be so intense that a person may refuse to start the job and meet new colleagues. This, in turn, will result in dissatisfaction of the social and other needs and possibly lead to depression.
Therefore, if you suffer from excessive anxiety, first of all, you should change the way you predict possible outcomes. When you are anxious about something, you need to do the following exercise:
1. Think of as many outcomes as you can and write them down.
2. Half of them should be positive.
Antidepressants and tranquilizers cannot do that for you.